New Year's Resolution.

This is what I am aiming to achieve in 2009.

1. Be a better person.

Towards my parents, my girlfriend and to others. Especially to my parents.. who thinks I'm a terrible disappointment to them.

2. Lose weight to about 85kg by June.

Yeah, I have begun running.. and I need to run more. Steadily but super-slowly losing weight.. but in the end.. getting fitter.

3. Save up to at least $2000.

I gotta think ahead for my future.

4. Be more responsible.

Especially to my brother's education, since he's going through 'O' Levels.

Haha,.. last year's resolution.. I can't remember at ALL!.. Hahaha... this time.. must take it seriously!!!

oh.. and one more..

5. Control my impulse.

So that I do not waste my money on nonsense.

(P.S.:- This list will increase or updated. I will keep looking through this.)

And so it was my parent's 25th Anniversary.

You know what I hate most when I'm on a working day..?
It's that, I have to meet a specific time to be fetched by my parents. I really hate to be in that situation.

Yeah,.. Happy 25th anniversary. Congrats, I'm happy for you, Mama and Abah.

Congratulations.. and celebrations.. woohoo!

Haizz... can you believe it? I was like given an ultimatum, as to whether I can leave early from work. FUCK, I'm working!.. Can my dad do the same too? Not really, so yeah.. NOT REALLY FOR ME LA. I have my works I have to finish real soon... If need be, you go have your dinner without me, IF YOU'RE SO PRESSED WITH TIME. (I understand, that as a family we have dinner.)

And so, I left work at 6.30pm. I thought we just wanted to have dinner at our regular chicken rice restaurant, Evertop Hainanese Chicken Rice. But my brother HAD TO ask for more.. It was planned earlier that, we're all gonna have dinner at the chicken rice restaurant, then we head to East Coast, Food Village for another meal, Satay.

Bad move on my dad.

Heh, I'm on a more controlled diet than before.. so I ate to my filling. That means the chicken rice was enough already. Haizz.. then we headed to East Coast. I already told my mum, I'm not eating alot.

We ordered drinks, to which AT THIS FUCKING POINT, I was told by mum, that she wants Sugar Cane Drink, my bro, Coke, and dad, Coconut Drink. NOTE: Coconut drink. ONLY. Twice I asked for the order.

And so the drinks arrived, and dad gave me a FUCKED-UP face. He WANTED COCONUT DRINK.. no other specifics. NONSENSE..!!! I gave him a Coconut drink, that is with the fruit.. WHICH IS STILL... a Coconut Drink!

HE NEVER FUCKING MENTION, HE WANTED IT TO BE IN A GLASS..?!!!!!

And here begins my dad, SPEWING OUT WHAT A DISAPPOINTMENT I AM.. man, he's crazy.. Get your orders right first.

AND SO I DID GIVE HIM THAT DRINK.. I'm not happy at all.. and well,.. as I've said before,.. I didn't eat alot. Had 5 sticks of satay.. and 2 chicken wing and a drumstick.. which was considered very little to my standard of eating.

Haizzz.. whatever la.. fuck it la..

By the way, Happy anniversary.. DAD..

Great to have old friends!

Isn't it great.. when a perfect idea goes to work?
And... it really is/was great!

Just yesterday.. friends from Griffiths Primary, Class 6/6.. had a gathering. A barbeque pit at Pasir Ris Beach.

Me, Munawar, Haszlin, Azrin, Hetty, Noraiza, Faidah, Iswandi, Juana, Aslam, Zainuddin and Suhery, came down.. and had probably.. the best time together, as a class! Hahaha.. we played kites, made noise, joke around, music blasting, merry-making, eating, gossiping, advicing.. but.. the most important.. WE HAD FUN!

Hehe.. damn.. so much we really caught up.

Only depressing thing for me is.. many are getting engaged, engaged and getting married REALLY Soon!! Pressure on self here... ahahahaha... I'm not gonna rush.. but well,.. the pressure does get to you.

P.S.:- The guy in green with that pout.. That's Iswandi. The pretty ladies?.. Those two are my "Mums" in Primary 6.. from left to right.. Faidah and Noraiza.

Run Hammett.. Run!!

And so... he ran and ran..

Haha.. I've been doing great running every night for the past few days already.
so far lost only 2kg (water-loss only.. heh).

So from, 95kg to 93kg.

Abit more to my FIRST target..!

Current Target: 90kg.

Next Target: 85kg.

-------------------------------------------------------

By the way,.. just yesterday, my boss treated a few of my colleagues (and their significant other), to a show.. Another Crazy Christmas. Haha... man, I had really a good time. Amazing, I was really entertained by the acts from Hossan Leong and gang. Hahahah... farking funny.. but lazy to describe hehe..

Oh, my girlfriend was there too. Actually, I was out with her to celebrate my 1yr 9mths with her.. and I guess this show was an "un-planned" gift for her. Heh..

Today, my company celebrated my boss's and colleague's birthday and we all had a nice Christmas lunch. Eating Nasi Lemak and Nasi Minyak.

Hehe.. ok, thats all for now!

OH MY GOD!!

You shouldn't ask too much when you don't have much and easy work to do.

Don't complain when you have little work to do.. or too easy a job.

Heh,.. now I'm suffering... I have plenty of last minute changes to do for my project!

Next time, Muhammad... don't complain.. and don't be complacent.

Damn, I'm tired!!.. leaving from work earlier today!

It's absolute "bliss".

I never knew its gonna be so much fun playing GTA 4. Niko Bellic is such a charmer. Hahaha..

Heh.. total game time I've spent playing on it.. is more or less.. 22 hrs. I'm trying to complete the game before the 30 hr mark.. to get an achievement in the game.

By the way, I've started my running to a rather bad start. All's well in the past 3 days, only that my dad had to make it bad. You know, he plans to run with me yesterday, I didn't really care since I know I have my own plans to achieve first for the evening with my run. The run with my brother and dad, didn't happen. Obviously, he is not interested in running. AND the best part is,.. he had just lectured me about "Actions are louder than words" just about 2 - 3 days back. Haha,.. funny..

And you know what..? My dad asked me a question, "How long do you run normally?".. so I am to answer him.. BUT to answer that, you need to think. So I answered, "Hmm,.. about.. today, 15 mins 'cause of the time."... Then, when I was about to answer him the real answer, he scolded me for the delay! Fuck, I just had my run, breathing heavily, trying to catch my breath.. I was gonna answer,.. "Yesterday was about 45 mins worth of running, so yeah, about 30 ~ 45 mins worth of running."

Of course, I reacted back, defending myself about the delay.. with a raised voice.

(I know, I shouldn't have, but... well,.. you don't want to listen to me.. My Fault..?)

Man, was I pissed when he started to say I'm delaying. Fuck it man!!

Take into consideration, I just finished running, wanted to rest.. not to talk, catch my breath.. 

All this just for the sake of,.. Advising me about Fat Burning. Fat burns only after about 15 mins of cardio excersises. WHICH I ALREADY KNOW.. only that I didn't know was that, how to sustain it..

I just don't understand.. at times, I'm just so tired to hear my dad's berates.. right now, I should just do what I can, do my research on weight loss.. and just continue what I'm doing, since I am motivated.

And.. I've done a massive SIN last Sunday. I mentioned this,.. "The Quran might have been mistakenly written." Fark!! I know, slip of the tongue and mind! Shit shit shit!! I am really wrong.. so wrong! The HOLY QURAN is the beacon for all MUSLIMS, including me! I'm so sorry GOD.. forgive me..

I gotta think and know about something (since I am not that learned.. or maybe,.. not learned at all),.. before I say things out. I know I am wrong.. My mistake, which I will carry to the grave.

Forgive me..

Alright...

I am hoping to start what I want to do real soon..

I have begun my short runs.. will I sustain it..?

I just need motivations.. I just need that..

And all's plain sailing..

Been playing my games hard this past few days.

GTA 4 is a great time-filler. Hehe.. gotta start getting on with my Fallout 3 missions. Somehow, felt the urge to play PES 2009 again.

Yesterday, I was amazed how Singapore won the soccer match against Indonesia. 2-0 final score. A Bhaihakki Khaizan header and Shi Jiayi freekick, sealed the game. Good in defence for Singapore, but shitty in the attack. Heh! Let's just see how far in the tournament they can go...

Hari Raya Haji was just another day.. just went to my aunt's and.... that's all. I'm back in speaking terms with my girlfriend. Don't wanna make anymore silly mistakes.

Yesterday too, was a rather lucky day for me, as I got to head home earlier. Somehow, I got 'recruited' to help with the company's Suntec exhibition event. Left off from there at about 5.30pm.. earlier than my usual 6.30pm timing. Reached home... for the 1st time,.. at 7pm! Heh.. Anyways, the exhibition booth for the company, somehow, ain't as nice or interesting as I had anticipated when I came down. Pretty plain... toooooo bad the company is not able to overshoot their budget to get a nice looking and more spacious booth. BUT IT AIN'T CHEAP THESE SPACES AND BOOTHS.

By the way, those interested to know about Adobe CS4, I've managed to have Photoshop CS4, Illustrator CS4, Premier Pro CS4, After Effects CS4 and Sound Booth CS4. BUT, the crack doesn't work for now. Hehe.. found out.. you need to switch off the Adobe Updater. For now,.. I just need a new serial key.. switch off the Adobe Updater.. and everything else will work fine..

Not to worry.. though alot more icons and features this time around.. it still does not stray TOOOOOOoooooooo far from Adobe CS3. Hmm.. once everythings ok.. my girlfriend will try it too. She loves editing pictures.

Hmm... I'm starting to think of getting the new Intel Core i7 processor and the motherboard to support it. Its gonna be another worthwhile investment on my part........ again.. haizzz...

Money,.. I need you real bad!

Love ain't peachy

The worst parts of any relationships.. are when you fight between one another.

Nothing ever goes right when this happens.

Vent out my sadness, my frustration.. by jamming with my friends at the studio yesterday evening.. My emotions, love, anger, hate, obsession.. all went into my voice and the song I belted out. That's when I realised again.. how much I want to cherish my girlfriend..

I love her and I will always want to be part of her life, ever so often.. I just have to be a better man.

By the way,.. my friend's band, V, consisting of Alfredo, Dan, Deb, Mal and Raz.. made 2 new, record worthy singles. Too bad.. I wish I could load it up here.

Well..

Why does this always happen?

Why do I always make her angry..?

Why do I always do this to her..?

When will I stop this nonsense..?

How did it all come to this..?

Is my love-life gonna be like this all the time..?

Why is it me.. who always make things go wrong..?

WHY DO I ALWAYS SAY THE WRONG THINGS..?!!



Think before you say or act.. Now figure yourself a way to get her talking to you again..

Finally!!!!

I've finally,... after nearly about 6 ~ 7 months of speculations.. have my hands on the one game I've always wanted!!

Grand Theft Auto 4.

And its on PC!.. WOOHOOOO!!!!

(here's hoping, I don't have any lag heh..)

Hahaa.. enough said man.. you know I can't wait to play..

and.. I am hoping my girlfriend gets well real soon.

I miss her.

Alrighty then!

When I bought the MSI N280GTX Series Graphics Card last Friday, I thought I had prepared all the necessary things for it, like the power supply, the CPU space and some other smaller things.

Apparently not! I didn't do ample research on what IS required for the card!

1. I did not check for the PCI-E Power supply, whether there was an 8-pin connector plug in my Power Supply Unit.

2. I did not check that it requires a 6-pin and an 8-pin connector plugs to power the card.

3. I did not check and get any advice from my friend, who is well-verse in these matters.

When I brought the card home, I naturally started opening my CPU casing and started loosening the screws of my previous card, unplugged and took it out. Place my new card in and realised that there was a lack in space as my Hard Drive was in the way of the card (its really huge my Graphics Card.. nearly can't fit into the space). So I had to, naturally move the Hard Drive to a lower deck (as I have a few more decks on my Hard Drive compartment of my CPU casing). I unplugged a few cables and wires.. until I accidentally unplugged the wires which link the Front Panel console of my CPU Casing to my Motherboard. Then, everything couldn't start up at all! Haizzz.. so I waited 'til the next day.

I called my friend over to re-attach the wires, to at least just have the computer running. Then, my friend assessed the new Graphics Card and made some advice of what to get and where to go. And so we went to Sim Lim... only to realise that the necessary PCI-E Power Supply Connector 6-pin to 8-pin Adapter was not found! I just couldn't believe it! All the money I spent on had gone to waste, 'cause I couldn't use the Graphics Card! My friend suggested another alternative, we headed home and I tried it, but it did not work. Last resort,.. called the shop I bought the card from. They HAVE IT!.. and so,.. as they said.. the rest is history! Haha..

Frame Rates look better now. I can play at higher resolution and still not have as much lag as before. The best part is.. Heat is not an issue!

At normal, low power mode, the Graphics card produces an amazing 55 Degrees. And when, I begin my 3D gaming, it slowly rises to 78 ~ 80 Degrees. But rarely have I seen it go pass the 80 Degrees mark. And all these temperatures were generated with the usage of just the stock fan attachment of the Graphics Card.

So I tested all my current games on my computer and all are now playing at higher resolution.

Man, do I feel satisfied with this card! Hehe..

Just yesterday, I bought myself Fallout 3 PC and I'm addicted to it already. Nearly thought of just staying home today and play.. but.. well, responsiblities kicked in. Hahaha.. and I just can't wait for Wednesday! GTA4 is gonna be released for PC!! Finally the long wait is gonna be over soon, and I can enjoy the game now with great graphics! YAHOO!!!

Woohoo..

Finally,.. after a long 4 months wait..

I can finally get hold of a Nvidia GeForce GTX 280!

The Graphics Card of my current dream! Haha.. Getting it tonight after work. Haha..

All $685 to get it!

And a dinner date with my girlfriend at Pizza Hut. Somewhere in town,.. if I can find it. Haha..

By the way,.. I'm just pissed off yesterday, when I was told that my cousin's dad said to wait for the payment of the tablet. And the best part is the person I'm getting my new Tablet from is selling hers at a good price too... but limited time. Haizz.. I just don't understand, I'm selling at an already wonderful price (..making terrible losses here..) and still can't fork out only $100. Knowing the family,.. they have alot of cash in the bank. THAT'S WHATS PISSING ME OFF! Haizzz...

Oh well..

What happened suddenly?

I got so pissed when I headed to Sim Lim last Saturday. The prices of many computer items have gone up! Damnit!

My potential graphic card now, from $655, went up to $685!

I don't understand.. in just a space of 2 weeks. I'm getting my pay most likely this week and I'm gonna spend more. Shit! Thought I could save abit this month.. but its highly unlikely.

Another disappointment is that.. Need For Speed Undercover sucks! With an average score of about 5 ~ 6 on a scale of 10. How can this happen again? I have always supported EA's Need For Speed series, and ProStreet being the one I hated most. I urge you not to get Need For Speed Undercover, but instead, Midnight Club Los Angeles. EA's gonna suffer now!

Now, setting my sights on GTA4 PC. It's coming real soon.. heh..

Everything seems fine.

After 16 days, 4 hours and 35 mins, I finally have my Sony Ericsson W580i WALKMAN Handphone in hand yesterday night. Well, if you remembered well, 16 days, 4 hours and 35mins (plus today) ago, my phone was sent for repairs. Found out the LCD screen and motherboard of the phone, had gone 'kaput'. Totally beyond repair.

So they replaced a new LCD screen and a totally new motherboard. Felt so new... BUT, its still with the old casing. The display looks vibrant and somewhat brighter. I love my current phone!

Anyways, pretty boring day yesterday in the earlier parts. Evening was the time I felt great, 'cause my phone is back and that I enjoyed a few rounds of FIFA 09 on PS3 at my friend's. Only thing left to do now is.. (here's the list of what to get by end of year.)

1. Nvidia GeForce GTX 280 1GB, graphic processor unit. (which, by end of the month I'm getting.. HEHEHEHEHEE)

SGD $655 ~ $750

2. Need For Speed Undercover. (late birthday gift for my bro)

SGD $56.90

3. Fallout 3. (by December!)

SGD $61.90 (assuming)

4. Wacom's BAMBOO A5 tablet. (Selling my old one to my cousin for $100)

SGD $199

5. Razer's Lycosa Gaming Keyboard. (Not a priority but if can, I'll just get it)

SGD $123 ~ $129

6. Razer's Exact Mat Gaming Mouse Pad. (Another non-priority)

SGD $30 ~ $40

Wow,.. Just finished calculating.. and I have to spend about $1150. FARK!

But my priorities are the ones highlighted in green. So about.. $800. SHIT!

But as I buy, I'm selling.

Selling my Nvidia GeForce 8600GTS 256MB with Custom Cooling Fan at $80 as it's already 9 months old.

And my old Wacom 2 tablet for $100.

So about $650 I will spend on new things.. and a worthwhile investment.

Heh,.. so yeah.. that is what I'm spending this month and next, best time to get it too!

Have a good day!

Really need a break!

I'm still recovering from sickness suffered from last Friday night. Started with just a simple throb in the head.. and then, 'wooziness' as I walk. I just couldn't look down and up without a feeling of laggy-ness. Felt like my world was in slow-motion.

My friends say it's either I'm lacking fluid in me.. or I just am lacking lots of sleep. I believe its the sleep. Been gaming alot lately 'til late night. Sleeping on average of about 4 hours daily. Gotta stop that.

Work too, ain't helping since I have to bring back some to do at home. Really need a break from all this. At least a day...

A blog.. is just another day.

And so here I am again..

As the title mentioned.. it's just another day.

Don't know why I feel so relaxed.. (wait wait..) I feel more calm.

Dateline for the 'Gahmen' project is today.. and I got the boards done. ONLY STILL AWAITING FOR THE APPROVAL!!

At the moment of this Typing-Of-This-Blog, I just feel worried about my girlfriend's family. Heard from her.. things are not going well. Or rather.. alot of arguments in the household. Sorry, I just can't reveal anything here... though this blog of mine is a NO-HOLDS-BARRED blog. Well,.. I just pity her.. Will pray for patience for her.

Hmm.. Oh.. I finally realised something funny today.

"NEVER WAKE UP SO EARLY TO MAKE LUNCH... IN THE MORNING!"

Sleepy like F**K sia.. though I am to wake up at 7.30m ~ 7.40am.. waking up at 7am to make lunch (wtf?).. is like a chore,.. and you know what I cooked up in the morning? MAGGI. Haha..

Here's my recipe..

Things you need.

- Packets of Maggi Mee.

- Grounded Black Pepper.

- White Pepper Powder.

- Packets of Cheese.

- Home-made Garlic-flavoured Butter.

- Hotdogs.

- An Egg.

- Tobasco Sauce.

How to prepare.

- Prepare 1 or 2 packets of Maggi. (Preferably Curry-flavoured)

- Prepare all the condiments that you want. (I love cheese and hotdogs in mine)

- Pour about a 3/4 full of water from a decent-sized bowl.

- Boil water.

- Pour in the Curry powder from the Maggi packets. (1 packet is enough)

- Add enough Grounded Black Pepper.

- Add enough White Pepper Powder.

- Stir.

- As it begins to boil, place the Hardened Maggi Mee in.

- Leave it to soften for about 5 ~ 10mins.

- Add enough of your Homemade Garlic-flavoured Butter.

- Stir again.

- Add a little Tobasco Sauce.

- Add an egg.

- Stir.

- Finally, add Cheese.

- Stir 'til its dry.

- Serve.

I love my meal to be spicy... 'cause I've been brought up with eating spicy food. Haha. That's why there's alot of Pepper and Tobasco in. Well, I prefer Grounded Pepper as, when I eat and munch, I can have this crunchy feel to my food. White pepper powder is just meant to make my meal spicier. Tobasco.. for me.. it adds.. a tangy feel to my food. Hehe.. Oh.. yeah.. I guess you have to make your own Garlic Butter. I was lucky, that my mum still had leftover Garlic Butter in the fridge from last Saturday. That added a whole new taste to my Maggi. Hahaha.. love it! It's nice and feeling.

Have fun trying, ya?

P.S.: Should've titled the entry.. "Cooking With Hammett". About half the entry is my cooking recipe. Heh!

I need a break.

Sorry, haven't been updating my blog.. heh.. by the way..

And here's a drawing of my boss I did when I was bored..

Hehe..

----

The most hectic week of my time here at my company was last week.

I was 'attached' to 3 producers in a space of a week. I am always involved in this particular project from the time I got hired. Then, immediately, I was attached to another... and not long.. I was drafted into another 'cause my colleague couldn't handle the project. Haizz..

Been jumping from one project to another. Well, let's just say, I'm officially left with one project which is due on the 2nd week of December.... AND STILL NOT YET APPROVED!!

I'm feeling the unnecessary pressures already.. what can be approved.. is not happening at all. I thought our ('cause I'm working with another on this) ideas are working fine.. hell, we were contradicted. Damn, the producer rejected the idea, after we got it approved earlier on. Haizz... again..

Now, I got to complete.. the "unapproved" works by tomorrow. Get all the storyboards done... (mind you.. I'M ONLY DOING E-CARDs!!).. then get approved and sent to client for pitching and then,.. we get to execute the production of the designs. What am I DOING? I'm not hired for this! oh well....

My Saturday got burned. I came back to office finish up my 'boards. At first, I wasn't alone.. then I was. That's the most boring part of all. No one in office.. all alone doing work.. but I got into the groove and managed to do about all.. WHEN SUDDENLY, my colleague came into office.. JUST to collect his mp3 (which he left in the office). What the hell.. Haha..

Celebrated my mum's and bro's birthday together at my aunt's place on Saturday too. Haha.. very very awkward. Haha.. anyways, been slowly catching up with my games.. and my dating life again. So nothing much is new in life for me right now.

Anyways,.. dateline for my project is tomorrow.. and my team is about... 3/4 done.. we're almost there. HOPING HERE THAT MY IN-CHARGE WILL APPROVE IT!

I'll update again real soon.. laters.

Gaming Weekend.

Had a terrific day yesterday.. Caught Tropic Thunder with my significant other, the one I cherish, my Girlfriend.. Siti Warda. Damn, was she hot yesterday.. been looking so good lately. Love her so much!

...and one right between the eyes!

Woahohohooo.. just completed a mission in which I'm required to assasinate a target. Shot him with a Dragunov Sniper Rifle. Right between the eyes. Hehe..
Welcome to the dangerous and dusty world of Far Cry 2. A wonderful game with an open-world concept. You may choose to trek the jungle or bash through the pathways with a vehicle, to get to your target. For the first time, I feel so fulfilled being a mercenary. Hehe.. Reminds me of GTA4 with First-Person View, less the urban landscape.

Another great game I'm nearly completing, Dead Space. The most anticipated horror game of this year, 2008. Even previous versions of Resident Evil, pale in comparison with Dead Space. It's so scary, I really nearly peed in my pants (actually, I've been holding my pee even before the installation of the game.. haha..). Killing enemies (the Necromorphs) are so fun and fulfilling. Story is good too, unlike Doom 3's. But the best parts are the scares! Go and play it!!

And lastly.. Pro Evolution Soccer 2009, is a rather interesting game for me since I finally get to live out my dream as a professional soccer player.. but its just the same game when I play the other modes.. kinda bored after awhile.

Looking forward to GTA4 and Fallout 3 on PC. But I believe GTA4 will be THE game for me to get.. and last for a long time. Hahaha... Getting broke by the minute.. Hahahaa..

"Under-Appreciation" is the new buzz word at work.

"Even a superhero is under-appreciated always..", says a colleague of mine.

That's how I feel recently. Contribution seems to be the talk of the past few days when I had a talk with him. Clearly, he does not appreciate my help or effort. He thinks I'm not suited to be a storyboard artist.. and my works are SHITTY!

OF COURSE IT IS SHITTY!!.. 'Cause, today I realised why they say all that! I saw a video of the animation's animatics. I was scolded for doing a bad job.. but I explained.. most of the ugly drawings.. wasn't mine at all! It was improvised by the editor, who can't really draw well. (And for that I got put down.)

I guess I don't need encouragement.. I just need reassurance and guidance. I have to thank my ma'am, my in-charge, who supported me and believes I can do better and great jobs. I know I can.. I just need that oppurtunity. I've been getting clean-up jobs that DO NOT SHOWCASE MY TALENT!!

So from now on.. I'm gonna go and push myself and do better. Time to level up.

Hehe.. and by the way, I got myself wonderful games.. Pro Evolution Soccer 2009, EA's Dead Space and Ubisoft's FARCRY 2. All PC..

ONE HELL OF A MONTH FOR ME...... wallet is just getting lighter and lighter.. shit!

More on the games real soon, aight?

Further disappointment.

Hey, ya know what..?

I've just been added more stuffs to my already piled up workload at my workplace. I'm handling two more projects. Wow, I really have to manage my time.

And I'm still suffering from a mild rash on both my wrists.. thanks to my Reservist. You see,.. I guess my wrist was not exposed to the irritations of the uniform for so long. Normally, I don't where Long 4.. and being in Long 4 for about the whole of my Reservist.. it began to itch.. but I went with it.

Haizz.. what bothers me most now.. is that, my bro has not improve much from his last exams. I read through the report book.. I was just sullen and silent. I just don't know what to say or do.

So,.. for now, I've devised a plan to make him see (or realise) how he has fared out this past few years.

I made a chart. A Progress Chart, to make him see how he has.. well.. progress.

I hope this will open his eyes.. as it did for me in the past too.

Time to make a change.

After 3 days..

Finally! After 3 days worth of wait.. I've got the Hari Raya Outing pictures of me and my old mates.

Here, enjoy this pics for now..

The second picture with a close lady friend of mine.. Heh,.. reminds me of a well.. better looking Norfasarie (Wife of Singapore Soccer, Defender Baihakki Khaizan.)
Funny lady ahaha... anyways.. whoever wanna make friends with her..

NOTE: Taken already arh.

And by the way,.. life is back to normal at work. Still got loads of stuff to clear. Sheesh!

Will update more real soon.

Settling back into life.

I'm finally able to sit and slow down my life as I de-Army myself after about 12 days of In-Camp Training. Heh.. It was a rather interesting 1st ICT (In-Camp Training).

BUT A SERIOUS WASTE OF TIME FOR ME AND MANY OTHERS! Haha.. well, it's over now.

Damn, I'm still drained and shagged from yesterday's Hari Raya outing with my bunch of old mates from my Primary School. Miss 'em all! Everyone just looked great, and as usual,.. I'm just a simple-looking one there. Pretty fast the day went, after we... flitted from one house to another. Hehe.. after all the hectic moments in the day.. we settled down at night with another outing..... at the new shopping centre at Pasir Ris. We went there and had a damn hilarious time watching "House Bunny"! A great date movie!!

I only wished, when I was watching the movie,... that the lady friend who sat beside me, was my gal. Haha.. miss her so much.

Oh btw.. I did not mention at all that my gal is in London to visit a relative. Yeah she's there, just got a her email yesterday night. Hehe.. my goodness,... smiling all the way reading the message. Too bad,.. I can't reply back to her since she can't get into contact again with a computer for the next few days.

With a parting piece, I love you too dear.

And everyone.. hope you guys enjoy your day and have fun!

I'm back..!

Hello again my friends..

Yeah,.. I'm back from my In-Camp Training.

Too tired to write something.. will update you guys real soon.

What a day. (Part 3)

I'm back and.. having a headache. I guess I can't be under the sun or heat for too long now. Need the conditioning and getting used to being under the sun.
(Oh, by the way.. 2 days ago I stayed over in camp.)

My headache has been brought over from yesterday's activities in camp. We had a 5km Route March, nothing to brag about.. I really felt weak as I reached the 4km mark. That's the start of the headaches. I might have been mildly dehydrated and had not drank alot before the march.

Then, we had a Technical Handling of the SAR21 rifle. Haha, why weren't we issued with this rifle in the past? It's probably the easiest rifle I've ever handled but, it's heavier than the M16, by about 500g ~ 1kg. It makes a lot of difference this weights. Not kidding. Just holding it for about 5 minutes.. your arm is hurting. Heh. About an hour later after lunch, we had range at Nee Soon Camp for our SAR21 Familiarisation Shoot. That's where the fun and hell began for me!

I don't know if I'm supposed to say this here, but FUCK IT! I was issued with 5 x 6 rounds, meaning 5 magazines with 6 bullets in each. So total 30 LIVE bullets. My detail is then called to head towards the shooting 'bay'.. and commanded to load the a magazine of 6 bullets in the SAR21, only to realise, 1 of my 5 magazines, IS MISSING 1 BULLET. I WAS TOTALLY IN A STATE OF CONFUSION. I might have forced the magazine out TOO hard from my SBO and caused the bullet to be released from the magazine, OR I had miscounted when I was issued. But oh well,.. I was re-issued with one more bullet (meaning I now had drawn 31 bullets, one missing)

Shoot was fun! But I always made a silly mistake, I HAD ALWAYS LEFT MY "SAFETY" on! I missed the last target, sadly.. 'cause I was thinking about the missing bullet. So out of 24 Targets, I hit 21 (2 'missed' because safety was on accidentally and 1 official miss).
So, I got a 87.5% accuracy, not satisfied 'cause the SAR21 is DAMN EASY TO USE... haiz... I used to get.. 93.8% in the past, hitting 30 out of 32 targets with the M16 (Company Marksmen then.. hehe). But too bad, not a marksmen comparable to a sniper's 98% ~ 99% accuracy. Hehe..

After the shoot, I was double-checked for the bullet, but never found it on me.. or rather anywhere in the range. So now, I don't know what's gonna happen.. Time will tell.

By 8.30pm, we're in the Lecture Theater back in Kranji Camp, and having our last lesson and briefing 'til 9.30pm. Then, we headed home.. with me having a terrible headache..

Heh.. What a day.

What a day, (Part 2)

Sheesh..

Being a reservist ain't as fun or as interesting as being an active personnel.

BUT.. lesser work to do! Hahaha..

Kinda like a small vacation for us man, even those 'taking care' of us told us to do "anything you think you can do.. if too hard, leave it to the NSFs". Hahaha..
Seriously,.. that's what we're told. Only real drawback about this.. is that we have to do alot of waiting.

Slept plenty of times awaiting for our 'jobs' to be issued.. Heh,.. and we're by the vehicle.. OH MY... we only did small... really small jobs, like tightening the screws, changed the tailboard 'straps' or change headlight bulbs. Haha.. damn..

Hmm.. well, for now.. this is what we've been 'actively' doing.. I'll be back soon..
Cya.

What a day.

And so.. Officially, my Reservist has begun.

Got to know old mates from my Selarang Camp days is in my company and bunk.

Happening sia.

Ok, cock-up alot from beginning of the day.
Cock-up number 1:- a really long delay.. about an hour from the In-Process before we got debriefed of the upcoming events. Damn long speeches from the In-charges. The guy sitting beside me,.. was snoring kind of loud. Haha..

Oh, the best part is... There's a Route March scheduled for the day at about 4.30pm. MOST OF US RESERVIST PERSONNELS DID NOT BRING OUR HELMET AND SBO! Hahaha.. cock-up number 2.

So, took us another... 2 hours get our bunk, officially. Heh.. WE NAPPED FOR ABOUT A SOLID 1 hr after that! SHIOK!!

AND the best part.. it rained.. so no Route March. Waste our time only falling-in.

But the cock-up of 'em all..

No one informed most of the others, that we have to choose individually if we want to go back to Selarang or Kranji for the On-The-Job Training. So most of the East-siders are now doing the training at Kranji Camp.. and vice-versa. Haizz..

Oh well..

A few more days and I'm DONE!!.. I Miss working LIFE!!!!

The last day.

I guess... this is probably the last entry for the week.

I've dusted, ironed, primped, packed, shine and polished. Heading back to camp in a couple of hours from now.

Been a quiet day.. no chatters from the handphone.. no calls for me and no smses (or not much).

My girlfriend just still seems cold.. but I realise.. it's just her way. I believe deep inside.. she misses me.. as much as I do towards her (and she will miss me when I'm away from tomorrow onwards). I guess this cold-persona she is putting on is something as a result of me being a jerk for the past few weeks or months back. It's my fault.

Well, what's done is done, I will remember it and move on.. and learn from it. I pray she will be safe from any harm or disaster.

I'll always think of her in camp.

I'll always love her..

'cause I know she loves me too.

(People, I'll be back soon..)

So alone.. so quiet..

Feeling down..

It's like everything I wanna do today.. is pushed aside.

And... it's like girlfriend is showing me the cold shoulders.. even the way she replies to me.. seems.. like she's being cold to me.

I know you're sick and down with Fever and Sorethroat.. but that should never be the cause of this coldness you're showing to me.

WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS..?

(only this image today made me feel happy.. well a little.)

Dull, yet meaningful.

Slow Hari Raya this year..

Doesn't help that I'm leaving for ICT (In-Camp Training) next week on the 6th to 18th of October.

The 2nd and 3rd week of my 'Raya month is spoiled. Thanks SAF..

Hmm.. Yeah,.. eventhough the day is coming closer as we speak, I still feel I'm going through a rather good enough Hari Raya this year. I've gotten back with my girlfriend of 1 year 6 months and 12 days. We've understood the things that brought us down.. and the things that brought us up again. Compromise, people. Compromise is the only way. Hope to have a great a lunch/dinner with her tomorrow. Hopefully she can leave her home for the day!!! (hehehe..)

Haizz, but still eventhough the day was great, there's always something to make it dull or bad. So many secrets from my relatives.. and all are just unecessary to know... and dad, still arguing with my mum... AGAIN?! Oh, getting rather..... unecessary.

Yeah, it's sad now that I can no longer get green packets. Haha, BUT still amazed that I DID get about 3 packets totalling to about $24. Ahahah.. since I'm working now, following the tradition here in Singapore, working parties must contribute. No complains.. on my part yet.

That's all for today. Enjoy your days people!

Hehe.. it's been great.

Yeah, finally.. the eve of Hari Raya. Haha.. so close to the finish line!

And officially I declare.. THIS IS MY FIRST COMPLETED FASTING. Other times I'll just fall sick or just didn't want to fast.

Yeah, things are nearly prepared. I'm gonna get my army peripherals after I end my day at work at 1.30pm. Maybe head to Sim Lim Square for awhile, get myself updated with what's new there. Been eyeing this Graphics Card, Nvidia GeForce 280GT 1GB (I think that's the name.. always forgetting it..). Might think of getting the cheaper model.. the Nvidia GeForce 260GT (nearly 1GB ram). But I only worry about performance and money now. When I get the Graphics Card.. I need to get the Cooler system. Total price, should be around $800 ~ $900. Scary shit, but will be worth the time. Next up will be my Processor.. but taking it REAL slow now.

Oh,.. I think of getting a game too.. bored at home playing with the same games.

Hmm, just got myself CRYSIS: Warhead yesterday. FUN! FUN! FUN FUN FUN!! I just love to take things down with loads of bang!! Hahaha..

To every Muslim out there.. Selamat Hari Raya. Forgive and move on people. It's time to embrace better days.

To all non-Muslims out there.. May you have a good holiday.

Be back with you guys/gals again!

Let it begin!

One more thing left to do.

TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I shall begin with today, by cutting down on anything high in carbohydrates. That's the real 'cause of my ballooning up! I will cut down on drinking water as in.. drink to the point of thirst only. My body tends to hold on to water, water-retention, and well that also results with me have soft fats (WHICH I AM HONESTLY GLAD.. if not it will be tough to lose it).

So here today.. (after a pretty heavy dinner yesterday night).. I am 93kg. I aim by end of the year, is to reach 85kg. My current target for now.

(Saving up for gym trips too.. 'cause I'm hitting them often soon)

Oh, I've got to run at least 5km every 2 -3 days.. and make it often real soon too... scary!

PUMP UP THE DISCIPLINE!!!

Feeling good..

Hey, honestly.. I'm feeling good. Never felt this calm before.. but of course, the thought of my girlfriend is always in my mind.

I really feel better after doing my prayers.. and it does make me feel calmer. I should've begun this along time ago.

Hmm.. well,.. I'm just hoping my luck will come back again. Damn it I miss her.

I guess today.. I have nothing much to say.. but felt good and the day went well.. and I gotta cut down on drinking loads of water. Too much already haha..

Ok, I shall be updating again real soon.

Cesspool of Dirt

I am the cesspool of dirt.

How can I be so thoughtless?.. Why am I not even trying to understand my girlfriend's feelings? Why am I not bothering with her feelings?!! Why DID I MADE HER CRY?!!!

FUCK!.. Why do I have to make her feel this way. I really thought, today will be the day I will be able to talk to her again. I thought today.. is the day I can make my relationship tighter.

Apparently.. It did not happen. I guess, her expectations are just too important, I cannot avoid it. I have now renounced any expectations of her from today onwards until the day I propose to her. I will not put pressure on her, force her into things she does not want to do, and I must prove myself to her again.. once more, that I'm worth all of it. FUCK FUCK! Why must I be beset with these problems? Why do others.. who are worst off than me.. can do better in their relationships? Why it seems I'm far from being good enough for her?

I admit I am not a strong and devout Muslim.. though I still try my best to follow my conscience (to do what's right or avoid as told by the Quran). I don't pray 5 times a day.. I don't go for Friday prayers. But still, in Allah (and nothing or no one), I trust.. though I know.. its never enough to know and do just certain things.

I have always been big in size. I have never lost weight to the point I can consider myself.. slim. Never. I am a now a 91.5kg, man. I am big boned and that doesn't help with the weight issue.. but I've hit 78 kg before in my life.. a 24 BMI rating.. considered to be a NORMAL HEALTHY man. But I gained weight.. back to my former weight at 93kg (thanks to lack of self-discipline). You see.. I don't have the motivation to pull myself through. Its just that the after the start.. I don't seem to last through. I need the motivation.. I really do. Help me someone..

These are the two main factors.. the two main expectations my girlfriend wants me to do. To be a better man and do my prayers, and lose the weight.

I believe prayers is not hard.. I just need to pick it up again, re-learn the verses and steps.. but losing weight is now the real issue. I just need motivation.

For you Warda, my love, I am going to start on these expectations. I will pray for the motivation to lose weight and gain a physique (I'll hold on to the deal we've made too..) but.. I will start praying... anything to get you back into my life.

Anything to make you look and smile at me... again.

FUCK!

What the fuck is wrong with the day?.. what the fuck is wrong with me?.. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY LUCK THIS DAYS!!??

AND DO PEOPLE FUCKING CARE... or EVEN FUCKING READ THESE BLOGS.. I doubt alot.. even I don't think my gal reads this.. BUT NO MATTER!
This will be my virtual diary.. what's in my mind is translated here.. but still.. I have to put a 'veil over' my entries. You should know what I mean..

Fucking hell.. the day was just so dead today. Apparently I did nothing that productive today at work.. just did a few sketches of the characters I'm weak with... but most of the day.. I was just watching videos at YouTube, Gamespot and Gametrailers. Fucking boring day.

My friend today misinterpreted what I said to him. Told him I'll be heading to his place in the late evening.. right to the doorstep, only to call him and find out that he is not at home. Still at BUGIS. FUCK.. he didn't hear the part I'm coming over. Oh well..

Hmm.. officially today... is the 8th day of not being able to talk, chat, or sms with my gal. And.. just 3 days ago... we are also 1 year and 6 months together.. with the last 6 months being the worst as I fucked up alot. Haizz.. fuck man.. what do I need to do to get her attention?

I apologise to those I had disturbed, pressured, ostracized or bothered this coupla days (why am I doing this.. when no one reads this shit..).
I'm just not myself.. no longer..

FUCK!!

I'm loving it.

You know what?

This has got to be the most interesting and happiest day of the month. Must be the best day.. 2nd to Hari Raya Eve itself,.. (wait.. wait.. wait.. I forgot.. I'm not gonna enjoy my Hari Raya).

The director of my current project from Manila came over. Officially, I finally feel so confident in spearheading my first storyboards. The director taught and guided me of how to draw the characters better.. and I'm no longer drawing it that off-model. I guess, I just needed some guidance and a mentor. It just seems to be a perfect day.

By the way, work was not that much.. I just had to do some re-labelling of the 'boards that required to have BGs (Backgrounds) code numbers.

Yeah.. I'm so confident now.

And.. I have to say thanks to my girlfriend to actually take some time off her busy schedule to actually at least communicate with me on MSN. It's a start.. I'm gonna make it an effort to make things better off now with her. If she is reading this.. I love you very much.

..and thank you for taking time to read this everyone. More interesting entries real soon.

Not looking forward to anything.

It was a good day to be in office yesterday.

Finally felt appreciated for my effort.. well at least.. Boss finally so called acknowledged that I did a 'good' job with the changes to the storyboard. Heh, it's really alot of effort put into it yesterday.. but I'm picking things up. Just can't wait to do my very own 'boards. In time..

You know what?.. My boss really has a Two-Faced personality.. at one point he was all good.. and another.. he is like this extremely bad person. Well, he's human.. we all are. You know, I overheard from a colleague, Boss wants to take a break.. or rather.. Boss wants the company to take a 2 week break in October and we have a company outing... OUTSIDE OF SINGAPORE. But alas.. I couldn't care less about it.. Army beckons me on the 6th of October 2008, and I still am not making time with the love of my life..

Well,.. lovelife bit of my life.. nothing much has progressed. Managed to get a reply from her in an sms after about 2 days of silence. I guess that's a small, really small progress, from what that's been happening from day 1 of the disagreement. At least something progressed, right?.. Right? I feel pathetic.. I've nearly given up hope on her.. but something in me just told me not to go yet. It's just that things heal real slowly.

I... just don't know what to do. Looks like, its gonna be an empty Hari Raya Puasa for me.

I don't know what to do..

When you're pressured, just do what you're told and don't question.

And yes.. welcome back people to another entry.

A rather funny day.. I didn't mention to you guys that yesterday,.. one of the company's new batch of interns go 'fired'. Boss had one of his days.. PMS to the point we all just got pushed aside. My intern's story is another whole new story.

You see, when your in-charge is around, you should never do something that will make 'em boil. So well, the intern did was on the net instead of work. Boss closed her browser.. and the intern switched it on again when boss was away, only to be switched off again by boss. And THAT got boss so mad.. he kicked the intern out. BAD VIBES THE WHOLE DAY yesterday. When he left for home.. man was EVERYONE relaxed. Heheh..

Today, the intern came back to office and all the interns had a little chat with boss in his room. Seems like he must be 'apologising' in his own way without saying the words, "I apologise..". Boss might have been at his weakest 'cause I see him as a rather confident yet a little brash.. but still good enough a business man. But saying this does not equate me to liking him.. just that.. I can't careless for anyone that much but help when I can.. and if not.. JUST DO MY WORK AND FINISH IT WITHIN TIME OR AS PROMISED.

Simple way I believe in.. (learned it from my Army days).. Just do what you're instructed to do, do to your strengths and as fast as possible. Absorb all the negatives and positives and turn it into something that will make you move ahead.

To me, initiatives are not the way, but hardwork.. 'cause I've been brought down before because of my initiatives. I notice hardwork is second to none.

"I love my job.. I love my job.. I love my job.. I love my job..", hahaha... sometimes.. it helps.. hehe.

Oh yeah, if you're stressed, might I recommend this technique. Go to the toilet, check no one is near the vicinity.. then flush.. and SCREAM!! Haha.. once the flush is completed,.. repeat the same step! Once your satisfied.. take a piss (don't forget to flush) and walk out look normal. It works... well at least for a certain female colleague of mine.. hahahaha.

(To her: Told you I'll write it down! heheh..)

Alrights, that's all for now. Have fun!

(I'm so gonna die tomorrow, Boss is gonna overlook all my works on the storyboard.. SCARY SHIT!!..)

Beautiful day turned bad.

Wow.. I thought I am going to have a good day..

I had about 7 pages worth of changes to do today. The changes are on storyboard level and it ain't that hard to do it. Kinda happy that I breezed through 3 pages in less than 30 - 45 minutes. That's pretty fast considering that you have to make LOADS of changes, from re-drawing certain panels and stuffs.

It's a small achievement I won't brag about. Well,.. happily breezing through when something... or rather someone.. (My BOSS).. told me that he thinks, to assist me and the animators, I am to compile a WHOLE list of expressions of a character. Then, classify 'em to Basic expressions or Useful ones. Heh.. DAMN, was I so pissed off when I was to do in Adobe FLASH. And by the HEAVENs.. I KNOW NUTS ABOUT FLASH.. all I know what to properly do was just.. create a new file. SUCK RIGHT!

Sucked my thumb dry... Eh! Forgot.. fasting la. I.. err.. endured about 2 hours worth of know-hows from a friend who is luckily patient... and after.. 5 hours just learning crash course... I finally knew how to handle it. Damn it.. heh!

Right at the moment of this post.. my work is only about 3/4 done. Hope to complete it proper tomorrow!

Heh.. but well.. its.. well, fun after awhile.. 'cause I finally feel busy properly!

Aight, I gotta sign out now..

Updates real soon!

(Finally I get to sell my 9 day old, Spore Standard Edition. For S$30. Finally get to let it go.. damn stupid and boring game.. regretted waiting for the game queueing for about 2 hours for the launch. GOOD RIDDANCE!)

The First Post and its all crap.

Wow, my very first post and it's gonna suck.

Trust me.. 'coz I had one hell of a day.

Firstly, well being a Storyboard Artist, you have to have a good set of drawing hands to do the scenes nicely. My job is to draw a scene or recreate a scene from a script and my imagination. It sounds fun and easy.. TRUST ME! It's not easy at all.. when you have loads of things to 'copy from, like character sheets. Gotta be mindful of character sizes, Background and placements. NOT EASY!

Well,.. I can cope.. only that it gets more and more demanding, like today. Officially, I was told my works are not up to standard. Here's the thing about Storyboarding..

I understand we need to keep it clean from the roughs.. but the animators (basically, once I'm done 'boarding out the scenes, animators take over.), yes the animators, DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW DRAWING AFTER DRAWING. Yes I set the designs as such.. but if I had skewed the drawing a little.. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FOLLOW IT. Common sense please... THAT IS WHAT THE CHARACTER SHEETs ARE FOR!! Damn it..

Well,.. I'm paid to work.. not to complain.. and this fasting period is really making me test my patience.

It doesn't help too.. that when you're at fault and the cause of many of your relationship's problems. The other is adamant but always patient.. and the other just won't bother to realise. AND the don't bother is me.

Fuck right being me. I was never like this. I was better than this.. better in every way possible that she even once said,.. "Why didn't we meet earlier? I'm so happy to have you..". I guess, and ain't confident, I would say I was good enough for her then.. Now it seems like I've totally lost faith in myself.. I've lost her respect for me.. feeling as though I'm unappreciated even for the small things I did for her. I'm just so lost and I just been patiently waiting for a sign.. or rather.. I don't even know what I'm waiting for. I don't want to lose her.. for its been the best times through thick and thin, dark and light.

I want to be the man that I was.. when money was never a problem.. when Time would just be there for you.. when efforts are realised.. and when Love was ever present. From where I have failed.. I have seen changes.. and from where I see changes.. I see a little more of my old self. Taking things a step at a time.. If she cannot be patient.. then.. I AM NEVER meant for her.

BUT FUCKING HELL... I love her.

Well on a sour note.. I still am content how the day went.. and realise that I'm still not as good as I thought I was. Time to look at myself in the mirror.. and realise the shit that I am.

WHAT A FUCKED UP first entry. heh.. it'll get better I promise.