Dull, yet meaningful.

Slow Hari Raya this year..

Doesn't help that I'm leaving for ICT (In-Camp Training) next week on the 6th to 18th of October.

The 2nd and 3rd week of my 'Raya month is spoiled. Thanks SAF..

Hmm.. Yeah,.. eventhough the day is coming closer as we speak, I still feel I'm going through a rather good enough Hari Raya this year. I've gotten back with my girlfriend of 1 year 6 months and 12 days. We've understood the things that brought us down.. and the things that brought us up again. Compromise, people. Compromise is the only way. Hope to have a great a lunch/dinner with her tomorrow. Hopefully she can leave her home for the day!!! (hehehe..)

Haizz, but still eventhough the day was great, there's always something to make it dull or bad. So many secrets from my relatives.. and all are just unecessary to know... and dad, still arguing with my mum... AGAIN?! Oh, getting rather..... unecessary.

Yeah, it's sad now that I can no longer get green packets. Haha, BUT still amazed that I DID get about 3 packets totalling to about $24. Ahahah.. since I'm working now, following the tradition here in Singapore, working parties must contribute. No complains.. on my part yet.

That's all for today. Enjoy your days people!

Hehe.. it's been great.

Yeah, finally.. the eve of Hari Raya. Haha.. so close to the finish line!

And officially I declare.. THIS IS MY FIRST COMPLETED FASTING. Other times I'll just fall sick or just didn't want to fast.

Yeah, things are nearly prepared. I'm gonna get my army peripherals after I end my day at work at 1.30pm. Maybe head to Sim Lim Square for awhile, get myself updated with what's new there. Been eyeing this Graphics Card, Nvidia GeForce 280GT 1GB (I think that's the name.. always forgetting it..). Might think of getting the cheaper model.. the Nvidia GeForce 260GT (nearly 1GB ram). But I only worry about performance and money now. When I get the Graphics Card.. I need to get the Cooler system. Total price, should be around $800 ~ $900. Scary shit, but will be worth the time. Next up will be my Processor.. but taking it REAL slow now.

Oh,.. I think of getting a game too.. bored at home playing with the same games.

Hmm, just got myself CRYSIS: Warhead yesterday. FUN! FUN! FUN FUN FUN!! I just love to take things down with loads of bang!! Hahaha..

To every Muslim out there.. Selamat Hari Raya. Forgive and move on people. It's time to embrace better days.

To all non-Muslims out there.. May you have a good holiday.

Be back with you guys/gals again!

Let it begin!

One more thing left to do.

TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I shall begin with today, by cutting down on anything high in carbohydrates. That's the real 'cause of my ballooning up! I will cut down on drinking water as in.. drink to the point of thirst only. My body tends to hold on to water, water-retention, and well that also results with me have soft fats (WHICH I AM HONESTLY GLAD.. if not it will be tough to lose it).

So here today.. (after a pretty heavy dinner yesterday night).. I am 93kg. I aim by end of the year, is to reach 85kg. My current target for now.

(Saving up for gym trips too.. 'cause I'm hitting them often soon)

Oh, I've got to run at least 5km every 2 -3 days.. and make it often real soon too... scary!

PUMP UP THE DISCIPLINE!!!

Feeling good..

Hey, honestly.. I'm feeling good. Never felt this calm before.. but of course, the thought of my girlfriend is always in my mind.

I really feel better after doing my prayers.. and it does make me feel calmer. I should've begun this along time ago.

Hmm.. well,.. I'm just hoping my luck will come back again. Damn it I miss her.

I guess today.. I have nothing much to say.. but felt good and the day went well.. and I gotta cut down on drinking loads of water. Too much already haha..

Ok, I shall be updating again real soon.

Cesspool of Dirt

I am the cesspool of dirt.

How can I be so thoughtless?.. Why am I not even trying to understand my girlfriend's feelings? Why am I not bothering with her feelings?!! Why DID I MADE HER CRY?!!!

FUCK!.. Why do I have to make her feel this way. I really thought, today will be the day I will be able to talk to her again. I thought today.. is the day I can make my relationship tighter.

Apparently.. It did not happen. I guess, her expectations are just too important, I cannot avoid it. I have now renounced any expectations of her from today onwards until the day I propose to her. I will not put pressure on her, force her into things she does not want to do, and I must prove myself to her again.. once more, that I'm worth all of it. FUCK FUCK! Why must I be beset with these problems? Why do others.. who are worst off than me.. can do better in their relationships? Why it seems I'm far from being good enough for her?

I admit I am not a strong and devout Muslim.. though I still try my best to follow my conscience (to do what's right or avoid as told by the Quran). I don't pray 5 times a day.. I don't go for Friday prayers. But still, in Allah (and nothing or no one), I trust.. though I know.. its never enough to know and do just certain things.

I have always been big in size. I have never lost weight to the point I can consider myself.. slim. Never. I am a now a 91.5kg, man. I am big boned and that doesn't help with the weight issue.. but I've hit 78 kg before in my life.. a 24 BMI rating.. considered to be a NORMAL HEALTHY man. But I gained weight.. back to my former weight at 93kg (thanks to lack of self-discipline). You see.. I don't have the motivation to pull myself through. Its just that the after the start.. I don't seem to last through. I need the motivation.. I really do. Help me someone..

These are the two main factors.. the two main expectations my girlfriend wants me to do. To be a better man and do my prayers, and lose the weight.

I believe prayers is not hard.. I just need to pick it up again, re-learn the verses and steps.. but losing weight is now the real issue. I just need motivation.

For you Warda, my love, I am going to start on these expectations. I will pray for the motivation to lose weight and gain a physique (I'll hold on to the deal we've made too..) but.. I will start praying... anything to get you back into my life.

Anything to make you look and smile at me... again.

FUCK!

What the fuck is wrong with the day?.. what the fuck is wrong with me?.. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY LUCK THIS DAYS!!??

AND DO PEOPLE FUCKING CARE... or EVEN FUCKING READ THESE BLOGS.. I doubt alot.. even I don't think my gal reads this.. BUT NO MATTER!
This will be my virtual diary.. what's in my mind is translated here.. but still.. I have to put a 'veil over' my entries. You should know what I mean..

Fucking hell.. the day was just so dead today. Apparently I did nothing that productive today at work.. just did a few sketches of the characters I'm weak with... but most of the day.. I was just watching videos at YouTube, Gamespot and Gametrailers. Fucking boring day.

My friend today misinterpreted what I said to him. Told him I'll be heading to his place in the late evening.. right to the doorstep, only to call him and find out that he is not at home. Still at BUGIS. FUCK.. he didn't hear the part I'm coming over. Oh well..

Hmm.. officially today... is the 8th day of not being able to talk, chat, or sms with my gal. And.. just 3 days ago... we are also 1 year and 6 months together.. with the last 6 months being the worst as I fucked up alot. Haizz.. fuck man.. what do I need to do to get her attention?

I apologise to those I had disturbed, pressured, ostracized or bothered this coupla days (why am I doing this.. when no one reads this shit..).
I'm just not myself.. no longer..

FUCK!!

I'm loving it.

You know what?

This has got to be the most interesting and happiest day of the month. Must be the best day.. 2nd to Hari Raya Eve itself,.. (wait.. wait.. wait.. I forgot.. I'm not gonna enjoy my Hari Raya).

The director of my current project from Manila came over. Officially, I finally feel so confident in spearheading my first storyboards. The director taught and guided me of how to draw the characters better.. and I'm no longer drawing it that off-model. I guess, I just needed some guidance and a mentor. It just seems to be a perfect day.

By the way, work was not that much.. I just had to do some re-labelling of the 'boards that required to have BGs (Backgrounds) code numbers.

Yeah.. I'm so confident now.

And.. I have to say thanks to my girlfriend to actually take some time off her busy schedule to actually at least communicate with me on MSN. It's a start.. I'm gonna make it an effort to make things better off now with her. If she is reading this.. I love you very much.

..and thank you for taking time to read this everyone. More interesting entries real soon.